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[20 Dec 2008|06:53pm]
if you get next to me and help me find simplicity
then you can be the one to take me, to break me, and flood my soul
grey clouds they infiltrate as every move you make gets me closer to clarity

i like him

and on a completely unrelated note
the good old deep empty . . .here in austin
at home
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"it's magic" she says to me [11 Aug 2008|01:55pm]
But the nights brought sparks
And the sparks brought flames
And you had to be sure
This wasn't one of those game
But I'm going to show you
If you could just give me tonight, tonight

Today is  a good day
There is simply nothing to do at the capitol except maybe answer phones while Real Girl is in a meeting with Dan and Jenni. Real Girl does have a name, but i like to call her Real Girl since that's what she is. She does the real work around here--planning Dan's trips etc. 
I, on the hand, answer the phone, put the dude on hold, yell to Jenni from across the room, "Jason Something from Celeste Somewhere," and go about my merry facebooking. Sometimes, if it's a busy day, I copy a press release and paste it into our letterhead. This makes me press secretary. 

oh what a rewarding summer.

though it has been wonderfully fruitful

Mae is magic again
the night sky can  play its symphony to me alone, and I'm  free to fall in love with Love himself
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i really love the restore from saved draft function [21 Jun 2008|08:05pm]
do we only get one great heartbreak

that's what it said. i know what i was thinking and what i was planning on writing but i closed the laptop, probably smoked a cigarette, and took a walk around the neighborhood. That's what I do when i think there's far too much experience to condense into mere words and sentences. But somehow a cigarette and a barefoot walk at midnight say it all.
Though I still wonder if there's only one.

a little update for you:
I'm eating popcorn that might be 28 years old
I sliced my finger on a ceiling fan
i got my mac back today. its no longer broken and crappy
im living in austin now
uhmmm i got on livejournal to respond to one of aaran's posts and have long since forgotten what i was going to say

the end
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[02 May 2008|08:24pm]
final exams
packing everything into my civic by Wednesday
finding a place to stay until the 31st

i'm starting to feel it a bit. not a lot. just a bit
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i'm cold and i have papers to do [30 Apr 2008|02:11pm]
currently i'm sitting outside Heavenly Grounds freezing my butt off and wishing I hadn't smoked that cigarette since I was convinced I was quitting yesterday. What's one more right? I'll quit when i get home and don't have friends to bum from.
It's may: it should be warmer than 40 degrees. And I should be writing my paper on the speech of lovers and how it's exemplified in Madame Bovary. But I don't wanna . . .
Where's Danielle? Her car is where I want my butt to be so I can concentrate on writing and not freezing.

in other news: my parents are moving to Austin. Right across the street from St. Eds. How's that for ironic? I guess I was pretty much done with Flower Mound anyway, but this summer will be strange moving from place to place.

The house we're buying has a pink kitchen. What the heck.
I swear if it wasn't for Aaran I'd just stay in Steubenville all summer. Lord knows I could use more of this place.
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I have not been abandoned, no I have not been deserted and I have not been forgotten [16 Feb 2008|03:59pm]
Explore the cave that is my chest
The torch reveals there's nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out "someone, someone please
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back

The Little Flowers are having their Lord's Day outside my room right now. It's a squealy, giggling, girly affair and it makes me wish I was at my own Lord's day right now but I didn't quite get off my butt in time. It's been a rough night and consequently a rough day. As I was on my way to an open mic night i mentioned to my roommate that my heart had been hurting for the past week. Apparently that's not the sort of thing you ignore so we contacted an EMT on campus who eventually told us to got to the ER. After waiting for four hours we gave up and went home when Mary, my sick roommate, started shaking and couldn't breathe. we're tired

i might take another nap
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all i gotta say is i musta done something good [15 Jan 2008|07:02am]
it's 7:03 and i should be straightening my hair because i have class in . . . 57 minutes. wait, that's plenty of time.

things to do soon:
warm clothes!
makeup that matches my faded tan
call harry and michelle to tell them about the guy who pulled out a gun in memphis and the sweet nuns at franciscan
drop my creepy theater classes
deposit for austria

that was a boring list and i'm sorry you had to read that. I'm going line dancing on friday to feel like I'm back at home--except i never did that once when i was in Texas except at summer camps as a 12 year old. too bad i left my cowboy boots at home

morning classes kind of suck a lot
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[30 Dec 2007|02:02am]
why is it you can still hurt me when, as ex-friends, you owe me nothing and i owe you nothing? When i already expect so little and i want even less, why does everything you do drive me up the wall?

you know what? its not him that bothers me. we've both made it clear that we want to make a break from each other so its only natural that we need to take steps to be less important to each other. its the secrets and the lying from the people i thought respected me enough to be honest.

that's what showed up on auto-restore. i've been using firefox for the past . . . forever. . . but this is safari. apparently thats the last thing i wrote in safari.


uhh i was going to go to bed at 11 today. its 2 a.m. looks like i'll be tired and grumpy again tomorrow. MRAEKJW;IDHSGSHG

tonight aaran and i read some of our real journal entries to each other and I came across printed livejournal entries stuffed in my real journal. I'm more interesting online. Aaran's interesting period

i hope im not sick tomorrow. i've been feeling . . . odd? i'm nervous and slightly depressed
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[08 Sep 2007|06:04pm]
this will not end well
but it sure is cute in the meantime
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[03 Sep 2007|11:30pm]
i am on my balcony with my history book in my lap and an open word document that needs words on it. homework, to be precise. I dont feel like doing it. I'm strangely unsatisfied today; nothing really worked out the way it was supposed to. See an old pal? nope. Get a new chair to write in? nope. Talk to aaran? nope.

the apartment across and below me looks to be having a good time. There are girls over. Everything is sex driven, whether we acknowledge it or not. What do we do when we're a little bored? hang out with boys. it makes us feel wanted and appreciated, like we belong to something.

i guess i'm just a little stagnant today. and i want to feel real connection with another human
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[03 Sep 2007|04:33pm]
it's raining. mitch was supposed to visit and of course he didnt. I want to go back home and be a core member at st. ann. my allergies are making me crazy. and i really do not like it at st. ed's at all.
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[30 Aug 2007|02:34pm]
i'm BORED!
and my room is already a mess. i'm home :)

i think ill go over to dustins to play guitar hero. i made it to hard. i'm pretty much a baller. i do have a few things to do today:

read for american lit (probably more boring 16th century stuff)
buy a backpack
and buy a bulb for my headlight

i guess i should do that rather than go play guitar hero, especially since i dont even know if dustin is in class or not.

so much to do and buy and read and stuff. BLLADSDHJGKUHTKUHRWKJHDG

also, biology is stupid.

ive decided french accents are awesome.
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[23 Aug 2007|02:29pm]
i have no bed
and i really need to start packing
but i dont wannnnnnaa! mrar!

my parents think im gonna have a party while theyre gone, so grab your beers and head on over to my house.

juuuuussst kidding. but do feel free to visit me. maybe bring some boxes and suitcases and a good old fashioned work ethic. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO ST. EDWARDS. i'd rather just quit for a semester while i wait for it to be Franciscan time. really. i mean that. i'll get a job and stay here with the people i love for a little longer. it's not that i want to stay at home forever. i just dont want to go back to austin.
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[18 Aug 2007|11:11pm]
sorry i was so weird. i wasn't expecting to see you nor was i prepared. The truth is, this is a very hard thing for me to do, and seeing you made me weak. I'm very, very afraid. I want to see you so badly, but I want to see you when you're who youre meant to be. I think in order for that to happen I need to disappear. So please just understand. Understand it all, and come back to me when you realize why I did it.
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[17 Aug 2007|11:49pm]
"you can either save your ass or you can save your soul. which is it gonna be?"
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[15 Aug 2007|05:48pm]
get out of my soul you stupid boy
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all hands on deck we're going down [14 Aug 2007|03:37pm]
i dont know why a band would reward its listeners for buying the cd on itunes and not for buying the actual cd. maybe because you can only burn what youve bought from itunes five times.

I think its entirely ridiculous that Catholic men have so many resources for figuring out their vocation and women are sort of left to grab out in the dark. seminary is really a great deal, and parishes are always more than excited to praise men who decide to join. What about the women? who do we go to? how do WE know what to look for, what it means to be a woman, and how to be formed as the daughters of Christ we're all called to be. Who are we and how do we relate to the rest of the world and to the Church?

It's easy for men to learn and practice what it means to be a man. Well, I wouldnt say easy, because I know seminary is a difficult thing. But they have the opportunity at least.

thats my rant of the day.
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[11 Aug 2007|03:33pm]
Today i went to the d'ambrosios house to pick up my straightener thinking that no one would be there, but Marisa was in the shower with music blasting through her computer speakers. What a funny surprise for her to come out of her shower thinking she's home alone and find Becca Patten sitting outside her room

while I was waiting I found the car charger for Ken which i had years ago given up hope of ever seeing again. Now Ken can sexily get me lost with his Australian accent once again. ahhhh Ken. . .

i got a haircut?
thats not a question. i got a haircut. period. its very short. but i like it.

I also looked through all my old myspace messages last night. It brought back a lot of funny memories.

anointing of the sick and praise and worship tonight. My parents are going, which is weird. I don't really want them infiltrating my holy place, but it's what needs to happen. Integration is what i lack most
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[11 Aug 2007|02:49am]
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger then. I could have been your true love
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[10 Aug 2007|02:27pm]
In my mind I see myself downstairs playing scrabble on the floor. It's raining, and I'm smiling, and i throw a pillow at him when he teases me. I don't know who he is, but the moment feels right. I want to believe it exists for me and that love isnt some faraway, distant fairy tale I can't be a part of

on an unrelated note, mae's new music has lost all its tenderness. i'll buy it anyway. but im dissapointed.

i miss you
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